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Happy Birthday to me! Oh, and I got engaged today! Pictures to come!

These past few months have been filled with everything imaginable with how I could possibly feel. There has been grief, love, happiness, joy, and sorrow. It is all so surreal with everything that could have possibly happened this past year. Looking back, it apparently has been almost a year since I updated with anything that had any real resemblance of feeling associated with it. Out of all of the chaos, from the ruins and the bare land, has blossomed something so wonderful, its as almost as meaningful to me as life itself. I have finally learned what it is like to care about family and to actually miss them. I’ve actually been anxious to the future and to what it may bring next.

I don’t know how to really explain it, but I have finally laid to rest many of my problems and things I felt were a deep hindrance in me progressing in life. It’s amazing the things that transpire that can lead you to clarity and ultimately enlightenment. It’s almost as if I’ve been blessed with an epiphany of things that will come my way. And, with each day I awaken, I embrace every minute of it…

Dear Jessica,

This is because you are the craziest, nuttiest, person out there.

Hugs and family love,

James

Here are pictures from Demetri’s 1st birthday! Yay!

Captions coming soon!

With lots of pride behind me, I am now proudly recognized as a:

All is now balanced in the universe… for now…

Full details on what certification requirements actually are can be found here.

With the inauguration of our new president only moments away, I wanted to just reflect on my feelings.

During the past eight years, I have seen the troubles brewing through country. I have witnessed the twin towers fall. I have witnessed multiple wars begin with no end in sight. I have seen the economy slip into recession.

I, for one, am very hopeful that things are changing. I now feel that all I have hoped for is approaching and will begin to shift and mutate shortly. The wind of change is blowing, and will touch us all.

I sincerely now have some faith in life becoming better for us all.

Expecting to get a tax refund only to find out you’ve jumped a tax bracket and now owe what you were expecting to get back is just great.  I find it equivical to uncle Sam leaving the lube off his arm before shoving it elbow deep up your ass.

I am very, very annoyed.

Oh well, at least I get paid tomorrow.

Here are photos after the party migrated back to my place from New Years eve.

Update I managed to get more photos that Jeanette took. They have been added!

Happy birthday to my buddy Richie.

You should drag your ass back from AZ And visit some time.

Cheers bro!

Right now I have a myriad tasks on my plate and many thoughts running rampant through my brain.

As most would anticipate, the end of the year should be full of closure and preparation for the new.  This is mostly the case with myself.  I have lots of things approaching on the horizon.

As it stands, I’m studying for the final part of the MCSA (Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator) for Windows Server 2003.  The other parts were full of the usual — anxiety and fear.  Yet, I managed to triumph over those without much incident.  This one, however, seems like it will be more of a challenge.  Not so much from the standpoint of the curriculum, but the fact that it comes with closure.  I started working on my MCSA almost two and a half years ago.  It is finally within my grasp.  So close I can taste it, but still just out of reach.

Among other things, there are other opportunities I am wishing to explore.  Like anyone going through life, I have had many thoughts that come and go without ever setting foot into being near fruition.  One of those, however, I feel may finally come into light.

The majority of my life has always felt like it is in shambles.  Whether me loathing myself with self pity or scapegoating anyone who may have come remotely close to me.  I have matured far beyond that realm in the past four years.  It seems like a distant memory, but sometimes still seems to haunt me.

As many whom have grown up with me know, depression was always my Achilles’ heel.  I had encompassed myself within a bubble and refused to step beyond my bounds of comfort.  If you asked anyone to describe me six years ago, they probably would have summed it up thusly:  “weird, shy, and listens to nothing but 80’s music”.  With every morning I awake and gaze into the eyes of the man standing before me in the mirror I laugh, and cynically sigh.

To me, I have always felt like I have constrained myself.  For this, I blame my problems with depression.  Over the last 10 years or so, I feel I have successfully been able to turn what had crippled me into a weapon of immeasurable power.  What I used to cower before, I now embrace.  What used to disturb me, I now tolerate.  Even the people who have wronged me in unspeakable ways, I have forgiven; I have left it behind me.  Once in a while I do find myself slipping back into regression.  Only to, shortly thereafter, just take a step back and remember how far I have come.

It is every man/woman’s struggle to find where their destiny may lie; to find what impact they will leave behind in their lifetime, no matter how big or small.  I used to be the one who would want everyone to pity; I wanted to be the center of attention.  Life just does not work out that way.  Instead, and I entirely blame this on my grandmother, I have found a place for tolerance in my heart and have found the strength to overcome adversity.

To paraphrase from a poem I wrote, like rocks sitting at the edge of a pond, with every ripple of water that comes by they are slowly changed.  To those that understand chemistry in great depth, they know this is certainly true.  I feel the same quality is instilled in humans.  No matter what actions you or those around you influence within you, you will always cause a change in the people around you, whether it be big or small.  Knowing this has been a driving force in my radical change in mind set and behavior.  I would rather be known for helping those around me than some old creepy guy that scares the crap out of children.  I grew up around suffering and hate and have seen what it causes.  I would never wish the same to anyone else.  And while I know that this fairy tale of an idea cannot possibly come true for everyone, I do know that I can do my part to help make the lives of those around me better, one ripple at a time.  In my own twisted mind, it’s my present to society.

In the coming year I have goals I wish to achieve, some of which include finally making the next progression in my relationship, traveling, and relighting some of the old friendships I had many years ago.  On top of that, progressing my career would be nice too.  Who knows, maybe I’ll get a few more certifications under my belt.  2008 just seemed a little slow on certification progress.  I’m hopeful and hopefully everyone around me is there to help support me on my quests as I have been for them.

That pretty much concludes my rant for this year.  I hope it inspired you as much as rethinking everything made me thankful for everything I have become due to my perseverance.

Well, here’s to another great year!

Image linked from: http://www.holytaco.com/if-alcohol-was-more-realistic